If Only I Knew
by SpaceCadette69
Summary: Falling hard for Mysterion was easy. Being in love with the person behind the mask was what was impossible for Craig Tucker. Kenny, however, is bound and determined to prove the task to be not as impossible as Craig once thought.
1. Everything was Just Perfect

**Okay... So first off if you're new to this story then Hi. This is a CraigxMysterion story because who doesn't love a twist on Crenny? It's got the typical components of a half way decent fanfic: Smut, Drama, Things that will make you cry because the feels. Yeah all that. I decently just got back into this story and am going to clean it up a bit before I post anything new...**

**Which leads to this: My incredibly HUGE apology to all my original followers. I know it's been a year since I updated but in all honesty I had lost all interest in this story... It wasn't until recently that I even gave this story any attention and I remembered just how much I loved the idea. So, for all of you who are probably about ready to hunt me down and stab me with you tablet pens and other nerdy items, here's the plan. I'm going to spend a little time cleaning this story up. Making it flow better. Then, I will post the next, well awaited chapter. I WILL finish this fic.**

**Reviews are welcomed and once again, I'm very sorry. **

**Enjoy:)**

Chapter 1

Craig's POV~

"Shit! M-Mysterion!" Holy fuck, he was way too good at this shit.

I could feel myself nearing my climax in a haze of lust. In response to my scream, Mysterion took my length deeper into his throat, humming a bit to try and push me over the edge. It was working. I tightened my grip on his hood and cried out as I came in his mouth. He swallowed and pulled away leaving me to fall on the floor in front of him, panting hard. The smirk that was plastered on his perfect lips should have enraged me like it would have if it was from anyone else. Instead I found comforting as I closed my eyes to try and calm my racing heart.

"I love you beautiful." He whispered in his deep voice, wrapping his arms around me.

"I l-love you too." I mumbled, leaning into his touch unconsciously.

"I have to go soon." Of course. He could never stay.

I grumbled something back in a reply that might have been an "I know" as I pressed my face into his shoulder. Just one night, that's all I ever asked for. But no. That wasn't possible.

"Like now."

I sighed and pulled away from his embrace. Glancing at the clock on my nightstand, I realized it was already midnight. He had come over only two hours ago.

Mysterion stood slowly, extending his hand out for me. I took it and stood up on wobbly legs. He pulled me into a tight hug which I returned.

"Are you coming back tomorrow?"

"I don't know." That made me a little upset.

"Will you try?"

He pulled away and faced me, sadness in his aqua blue eyes.

"Of course I will."

"Good." I said before closing the distance between us. His kisses were even better than his blowjobs.

Sooner than I would have liked, he broke the kiss. I let my arms fall to my sides as he backed away to my window.

"Remember, you're mine." He said flatly.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I know."

"Good. Bye cutie." He smirked before jumping out of my window.

I could feel my heart break a little as I watched him leave. If only he could stay, even for just a night. Every one of our encounters always went the same. We'd talk, then kiss, then fuck, and then he'd have to leave. I knew he didn't want to. He never did but, being Mysterion, he had to. It was truly depressing.

I honestly don't understand why it hurts me so much. We haven't been together all that long. How would I even know if this was love? I've never really done the whole relationship lovey dovey crap before. For all I knew, this could be all lust and infatuation.

It had literally been the longest month of my fucking life. Mysterion and I first got together when he saved me from some asshole druggies. They had me cornered with a knife pressed to my neck before Mysterion decided to swoop down and take the two fuckers out. He insisted upon walking me home, something about being in shock or some such garbage. I guess one thing just lead to the other cause we ended up fucking before the night was through. It was completely batshit crazy. From then on, he would come over to my house at night. Never staying. Only to visit. Of course he made me fucking promise I'd never take that damn hood of his off or ask him to. I wasn't allowed to know who he was.

I let out a long sigh before walking over to my blue sheet covered bed and collapsing on top of it. Just another delightful night in my fucked up life I suppose.

.O.O.O.

I let out a long sigh of frustration. Currently, my bored ass was sitting in math class, staring out the window and trying to ignore everyone around me which was really fucking difficult. Next to me sat Stan Pussy Marsh. From what it sounded like, he was bragging to Fatass (a.k.a. Eric Cartman) about some touchdown he threw in the last game. Kyle Broflovski was listening intently to his faggy boyfriend's story and yelling at every snide remark Cartman made about how gay football was. On the other side of the class room, Kenny and Clyde were drooling over the newest playboy magazine. In front of me, Tweek was crying and screaming over his spilt coffee while Token tried to calm him down. Somewhere near the front of the class, Bebe the whore and Wendy were talking about shoes or something stupid like that.

Yeah, it was really hard to ignore them all.

Eventually the bell rang, releasing me from the hell otherwise known as homeroom. I made my way to my locker, flipping off Butters on the way for running into me. As I opened my locker I noticed a folded piece of paper inside. With a quiet groan, I picked up the paper, already knowing what it was.

Craig,

I can't come over today. Sorry.

Love you, Mysterion.

I could feel my cheeks flush a bit. I tried to cover it up as best I could. Yes, I was used to getting random notes from him in my locker. Every time I did though it only reminded me that he was a student here. And every time I would wonder who the fuck he was. I mean, I've asked before put he said I couldn't know. It was really infuriating.

I started to run through the people in my class who he could possibly be.

Stan had a boyfriend. Besides if Mysterion was him, I'd kill myself. Kyle was dating Stan. Plus he was too short and I highly doubted that jew fro could fit under the hood. No fucking way was it Fatass. Mysterion was slender. Cartman was a talking hippo. Tweek was too jittery. Even though I wouldn't really mind if it was him, I knew it wasn't. Clyde. Now that was possible. But something about it seemed highly unlikely. What we had was bromance, not romance. Now Kenny...

"Hey Baby." I heard someone say in a flirtatious voice. Speak of the devil.

I sighed, closing my locker and turning around to face the cocky blonde.

"What do you want McCormick?"

"I dunno. Just to talk I guess." He shrugged.

"Really? You're not going to try and hit on me today?"

He gave me this innocent blank stare.

"I would never do something like that."

I rolled my eyes and flipped of the orange clad boy.

"You're a fucking terrible liar."

"Well, if you really want me to hit on you, then I guess I can always change my plans…" He smirked darkly, pushing me against my locker. "What do you say? Me, you, a bottle of booze and a cheap hotel room?" He said in a low husky voice.

I pushed him away from me, scowling.

"Tempting but no. I have a boyfriend, Perv." I growled.

He smiled a little at this.

"Whatever, go fuck you're imaginary boyfriend. I have to babysit my sister anyway tonight." He said, with a mock sigh. "It's sad; I actually had a hot date tonight with this real pain in the ass. Oh well. See ya Craig."

I glared after him as he practically skipped down the hall to his locker where his butt pirate friends awaited him. I watched as Kyle looked from me to Kenny. I could see the redhead's lips moving in silent words. I saw Kenny's shoulders shrug before he turned to me and gave a wink.

Dammit! Kenny was the most annoying cocksucker in the entire world. I really hope to God he wasn't Mysterion. I think I'd rather be fucking Clyde then his STD infested ass.

I heard the last bell ring and let out a long frustrated groan. Quickly, I flipped the blond off and went to my next class. That Man Whore had took up my entire break.

.O.O.O.

Kenny's POV~

I could feel him gripping tighter to my hood as I ran my tongue up his shaft again. He groaned out my name and I could tell he was close. I took him as deep as I could, restricting my throat around his length the way I knew he liked it. That did it. He moaned loudly as he shot his cum down my throat. I swallowed easily and pulled away. My winded boyfriend slowly slid down the wall til he was seated in front of me. His black hair was sticking to his forehead slightly and his beautiful smoky grey eyes were shut. I bent over and kissed his forehead lovingly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"I love you beautiful." I said in my deep Mysterion voice.

"I l-love you too." He panted, leaning forward and resting his head on my chest.

I glanced at the little blue clock he kept on the table next to his bed. Oh shit. It was already midnight. I had to get back on the streets.

"I have to go soon." I mumble sadly.

"I know." He's so use to this, of course he knows.

"Like now."

I vaguely heard a sigh before he pulled away from me. I stood quickly, helping the unsteady Craig up with me. God Dammit, I didn't want to go. I pulled him into a tight hug, savoring the last few moments we had for the night.

"Will you be back tomorrow?"

"I don't know." I wish I could say yes for sure.

"Will you try?"

"Of course I will." I said, looking him in the eye.

"Good." He said before pressing our lips together. It was a soft, sad kiss.

Before I was convinced otherwise, I pulled away and went to the window

"Remember, you're mine." I said dryly.

He rolled his eyes and gave me that signature "fuck off" look he did so well.

"Yeah, I know."

Smirking, I stare at the raven hair boy.

"Good. Bye cutie." And with that, I jumped out his window and into the tree next to it.

I sighed quietly to myself as I began the walk home.

No, I was never planning on falling in love with Craig. I had never even intended on sleeping with him the first night. It all just sort of happened I guess. Honestly, I can't say I've never had an attraction to him before. I mean damn, no one should be able to have eyes that fucking stunning or just look like that in general. Yeah, I could understand why Tweek, Bebe, Clyde, "Kenny" (Haha), Wendy, Annie, Stan, and Butters wanted to sleep with him. Hell, he almost had as many people after him as myself, even if he rejected all of them.

I don't regret doing anything with him though. Especially as 'Mysterion'. He hates Kenny with a passion so no matter what advances I made he would only regret me. This way I could see what I was missing out on. I really am glad I fell in love too. It actually makes sex all the more better.

Someday though, he's gonna have to find out it's really Me behind the mask…

But I don't wanna think about it.

.O.O.O.

Today's lesson was actually pretty descent. Maybe it was the fact that the teacher didn't really give a shit today. It was nice. I was sitting in the back with Clyde, reading his newest Playboy magazine with him and trying to keep my booner down. Oh porn, how I love you. Next thing I know, Clyde's got his hand on my thigh. Now, a month ago I would have token that gesture as an invitation to fuck him and would have dragged him away to the bathroom. He knows it too. Not now though. I was going to be entirely loyal to Craig, even if he didn't know it was me that he was dating.

I pushed Clyde's hand away and told him I wasn't in the mood right now. He didn't buy it but let it drop. I think that's why Craig liked Clyde. He didn't push the issue.

Oh shit Craig! I had to let him know I couldn't come over tonight. My fucking parents had decided to go spend a week in Denver and go to all the bars, so I was stuck babysitting my little sister, Karen. My idiot brother had disappeared somewhere and God only knows when he'd return.

Quickly and quietly, I wrote a note on a piece of paper I found. The second the bell rang I darted to Craig's locker and slipped the note inside before running over to my locker. From my locker, I watched Craig open up his and pick up the note. It was obvious he was kind of pissed. The way he hunched up a bit and glared at the paper in his hands. Well, I have nothing better to do. Might as well try and talk to him.

"Hey Baby." I said sickeningly sweet. God, I loved flirting.

He turned to me with a look of hatred on his face.

"What do you want McCormick?" His words full of irritation.

"I dunno. Just to talk I guess." I said nonchalantly.

"Really? You're not going to try and hit on me today?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I gave him my best innocent look.

"I would never do something like that."

"You're a fucking terrible liar."

Hm, this could be fun. I really wish he knew I was Mysterion. Then we could just makeout right here and right now. His lips looked oh so inviting.

"Well, if you really want me to hit on you, then I guess I can always change my plans…" I said huskily, pushing the slightly taller teen against his locker, placing one hand on his chest and the other against the metal behind him. "What do you say? Me, you, a bottle of booze and a cheap hotel room? " I said flirtatiously.

He pushed me off with a look of disgust on his face.

"Tempting but no. I have a boyfriend, Perv."

I smiled at the mention of this.

"Whatever, go fuck you're imaginary boyfriend. I have to babysit my sister anyway tonight. It's sad; I actually had a hot date tonight with this real pain in the ass. Oh well. See ya Craig."

And with that I made my way back to my locker where Stan and Kyle were waiting for me.

"Dude, what did you do to Craig? He looks like he's going to murder you." Kyle asked.

"Oh, nothing." I said, turning back to wink at the pissed off male in question.

He flipped me off and stormed away.


	2. Two Days too Long

**So this chapter was written purely for the sake of porn. Yes, it will relate to other chapters but let's face it... It's just sex. Why? Because I like writing porn. Don't be hatin'. I really have no idea if my porn is good or not so I'll let you guys be the judge. Any who, this chapter kind of sets up some other things for future chapters too I guess. **

**Recently edited so it's all in one tense and it's not so horrible. **

**Reviews are definitely welcomed:D **

**Enjoy~ **

Chapter Two- Two Days too Long

Craig's POV~

"… So he was like, Totally Clyde, I'm not kidding Then I said, Kenny, dude, no way does watermelon make someone's cum taste like fruit."

"Mhm…"

"But he was all, Trust me man, I know what I'm talkin' 'bout. Lady's love it. I mean really, how would that even work?"

"Dunno…"

"Besides, watermelon doesn't even really have a taste… Right? Right. But I mean, I guess if the chicks dig it then maybe I'll have to give it a try. Wonder if Bebe likes watermelon…" He trailed off, daydreaming about his elementary school ex.

I sighed quietly and turned my attention back to the window next to my desk. I was currently enduring the torture of study hall. I really found no point in the fifty-five minutes we spent here. No one ever worked, just ran their annoying mouths.

I let my mind wonder as I began to here Clyde's voice start up again. The kid really knew how to have a one sided conversation. Clyde and I had been best friends for as long as I could remember. He always had my back and I his. His only flaw was how annoying he sometimes became. Like right then. Now that I thought about it everyone I knew had some sort of flaw. Clyde was too whiny, Token was too snobby, Kevin was too geeky, Tweek was way too paranoid, Stan was too stuck on himself, Kyle was too much of a know-it-all, Fatass was too… well Fatass, and Kenny was too… God, there was so many things wrong with that kid I couldn't even pin point one that stood out over the rest. He was a whore, he was irresponsible, he was stuck up; I could go on forever.

"Craig!" The brunette yelled in my ear.

"What!" I growled back, not wanting to be brought back to reality.

"Were you even listening to what I was saying?"

I stared at him blankly. Not really giving a shit if I hurt his over-emotional feelings with my obvious ignorance toward him.

"No."

He scoffed at me and crossed his arms across his red T-shirt clad chest.

"I asked you if you thought Kenny was lying about the whole watermelon thing."

I rolled my eyes and looked back out the window.

"I don't know. He's sucked enough cock in his life to know."

"Practice makes perfect!" an annoying voice yelled from across the room.

A low growl escaped the back of my throat. "Fuck you, Kenny!" I yelled back.

"Is that a promise?" He giggled, leaning back in his chair enough to look past Stan at me.

I flipped him off and turned my attention back to Clyde.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Clyde questioned.

"Because."

"Not an answer Craig." He mumbled, looking down at his lap.

"I don't give a fuck." I snapped, turning back to the window.I heard a sigh come from Clyde's direction.

"I'm gonna go talk to Stan and them." He grumbled, obviously annoyed with me, before getting up and walking toward the table across the room.

God, can't Kenny keep his mouth shut for ten seconds?

.O.O.O.

Another note. Another fucking note lay at the bottom of my locker.I sighed sadly as I picked up he lined paper folded in two.

Uhm…

Hey… I'm sorry but some stuff came up and I won't be able to come over for a while… like the rest of the week. I'm really sorry.

Love you forever,

Mysterion.

I threw it back in my locker, furiously. This sucked. This really, truly sucked. I had already spent the last two nights alone. Now I had to spend the rest of the fucking week without him? Fuck this!

I slammed my locker shut and glared at the floor. Fuck all of this. I shouldn't even care if he was coming over or not. I didn't need him. Slowly, I took a deep breath to calm my rage. I turned around to face the busy hallway. Pretty much everyone within a ten foot radius of me was staring. A shimmer of aqua blue caught my eye as I flipped off the crowd.

Kenny McCormick gazed at me from down the hall, a weird look of pity and longing hidden in his stare. The hell? The rest of his fag friends stood around him, all watching me without the weird look. Not a single glint of mischief crossed over his stunning blue eyes. It was as if he actually knew why I was upset. His gaze was so genuine.

After what felt like a life time, he finally snapped out of his weird trance and blinked rapidly. With another apologetic look, he ran down the hall.

I stared at the chalk board blankly. The Teacher was babbling about some shit I really didn't give a fuck about. I glanced around the room at everyone in my class; they all were just as zoned out as I was a few seconds ago. Suddenly I heard a vibrating sound from the desk next to me. Clyde grabbed his phone out of his pocket, a huge grin appeared on his face. Swiftly, he stood, asked for the bathroom pass and left.

I stared after him for a few minutes. Well, that was weird. Before I knew what I was doing, my feet were caring myself out of the room. I found no point in asking for a pass. I went to work, looking for Clyde. He obviously didn't go to the bathroom. I knew him way to well to know that. As I walked past the boy's bathroom I heard something thud against the wall inside. Well wouldn't that be a weird change: actually leaving class to do what he said he was going to do. Curiously, I pushed the door open. What I saw was rather aggravating. The lights were out. The fucking lights were out. Grumbling, I flipped the light switch. Nothing.

"God Dammit." I groaned out loud. "Clyde, you in there?" I said, taking a step in.

Suddenly, I felt someone grab my sweatshirt and pull me in to the blackness; the door closing behind me. I was violently tossed to the ground by whoever my assaulter was. If it was Clyde, I swore to God I would kick his ass later.

"Ow! That fucking hurt Clyde!" I snapped, sitting up.

I heard the person move around and felt them sit down, straddling my lap. Soft lips pressed against my neck, causing a shiver to run up my spine. A low laugh echoed through the room.

"Do you really think I'm Clyde?" The low voice laughed. "What kind of person can't even tell when their own boyfriend jumps them?"

Holy Fuck.

"Mysterion?"

"Mhm. Sorry about this, I just didn't think I could go a week without seeing you." He purred, flicking his tongue out against my neck.

"What's t-that about anyway?" I asked, trying to actually talk to him.

"Babysitting duties." He growled, obviously pissed about it. "At least we have right now..." He whispered huskily against my neck, nipping at it. "No one ever comes in this bathroom."

"W-Why don't the lights work?"

"I broke them. Can't let you see me in normal school clothes. "

I was a little taken aback by this. Mysterion was in normal clothes right now. He wasn't Mysterion right now. He was whoever his real identity was.

"Oh." I said, still thinking about who Mysterion really could be.

"What's bothering you?" He questioned, pulling away from my neck and facing me. My eyes had adjusted a bit and now I could make out shapes. Sadly, that was all.

"Nothing."

"You're a fucking terrible liar." He said in a voice that sounded kind of like mine. Asshole was mimicking me.

"I just really want to know who you are I guess."

I heard a long sigh come from the shadowed figure. "You know I can't tell you."

He scooted a bit up on me, leaning forward so our foreheads rested together. "But I can give you a few hints."

Suddenly I felt his hand tracing the crotch of my jeans. Still trying to keep my mind on track, I answered with a stuttered "Okay."

"I'm a junior." He whispered, running his finger up to my zipper and pulling it down. "I have Math, Study Hall, and Home Room with you." I could feel him undoing the button on my jeans and pulling them down a bit along with my boxers. Slowly, his hand slid underneath the layers of fabric. "And lastly, you hate me." Well that narrowed it down. To just about every other male in our class. Before I could reply, his hand was slowly messaging my hardening cock. A small groan escaped my mouth as my hips instinctively bucked forward to meet the touch.

"God Craig, it's been two days and you're acting like it's been a fucking year." He laughed.

With all the energy I could muster, I flipped him off. He laughed more in response, bringing his lips to my finger and kissing it softly. His hand continued to rub against my quickly growing erection.

"S-So I ha-ha… hate you?" I manage to say. I hated practically everybody

"Mhm. You can't stand me." He sighed, moving his other hand to the hem of my pants and pulling them down further. "Every day I catch you glaring at me in class." Slowly, I'm pushed down to the cold bathroom floor. Mysterion stayed up, straddling my hips still only his hand has released my cock. "It's kind of heart breaking."

"Well, if I actually knew who you were…" I mumbled.

"I gave you hints. Figure it out." He stated plainly.

I glared up at the figure, rolling us over so he was lying down under me. Fumbling with the button and zipper on his jeans, I leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his chapped lips.

"If I guess, would you tell me if I was right?"

He chuckled at that. "Depends."

Finally succeeding at taking the annoying article of clothing off along with his boxers, I placed three of my fingers at his lips. He granted them entrance quickly, rolling his tongue over each one hungrily. His expert tongue rolled sensually over each of my fingers, sending waves of pleasure down to my already incredibly hard member.

"Are you C-Clyde?"

Releasing my fingers with a pop, I could hear a soft giggle erupt from him.

"Do you really think Clyde could give head like me?"

I didn't even bother replying to his question. Sometimes Mysterion could be so fucking cocky. It was kind of hot in a way. He wasn't self-conscious in the least which was a huge turn on for me. Last thing I needed was to be stuck in a shitty relationship having to constantly boost his nonexistent self-esteem.

I moved my hand down, teasingly rubbing my fingers against his entrance. This action earned me a low moan from the masked teen.

"Are you Stan?" I wouldn't really complain if it was Stan. Looking past his shitty personality and super fagginess, he wasn't horrible looking.

"N-No…" He stuttered, pushing down on my fingers. Smirking, I thrust all three deep into him. He liked it rough so I knew he could handle it so quickly. He cried out in a beautiful combination of pain and pleasure, arching his back off the ground.

"No way in hell are you my Tweekers." I state, delivering a rough thrust into the tight muscles.

"Mmmm… Y-Yeah."

Curling my fingers a bit, I shoved them deeper inside him. The delicious moans he was emitting only caused to turn me on more. Slowly, I leaned down and brought my face to his. Placing small kisses along his jaw and neck, I asked again.

"McCormick?" Please, oh please dear God in heaven, I know we've had our problems in the past but please let him say no.

Another laugh echoed through the room.

"Am I r-really t…t-that big a whore?"

I took that as a no.

"Now h-hurry up and fu..fuck me!" He growled, rolling his hips up against mine. The friction it created was amazing. Quickly, I retracted my fingers and shifted so I sat between his legs.

"You c-can be a pretty big whore when you w-wanna..." I mumbled, leaning back down to press our lips together. With one quick thrust, I penetrated him. The cry that erupted from him sent shivers down my spine. Without even waiting for him to adjust, I proceeded to ram back into him. He didn't seem to mind as he screamed out my name in pure ecstasy. He moved his hips as best he could with mine, clinging onto my shirt.

Now normally I would be a little more controlled. Granit, it never really took him long to adjust to me but still, I always wanted to make sure I wouldn't hurt him. I wanted him to feel as good as I did. Hmmm… Amazing what a two day with drawl of the drug known as Mysterion could do to a person.

Another loud cry echoed through the small room as Mysterion moved his strong grip to my hair and pulled me down against his neck. Immediately, my face was met with what felt like soft fur. The scent of cigarettes and cheap cologne hung in the material. It was oddly familiar and arousing. Pushing the weird furriness aside, I began to ravish his neck in nips and hard bites. Roughly, I bit down on the spot I knew made him go crazy , hoping to leave a dark mark. I wanted the world to know Mysterion was mine. Swiftly, I continued thrusting deep into him, hoping I would soon find the spot that would make him see stars. I loved hearing him scream out in pleasure. Pleasure that only I could cause him.

"CRAIG!" He groaned loudly in a very familiar but not-Mysterion voice.

I could feel him tighten around me a bit, only pushing me closer to insanity. God, I loved hearing him scream my name. A lovely moan left his mouth as I sucked as hard as I could on the spot.

"F-Fuck Craig! Ha… Ah! Harder!" He almost pleaded in the very weird voice.

I complied happily, pushing as hard as I could in and out of his slender frame. Everything was starting to get to me. The sound of his desperate moans, the heat engulfing my cock, the smell of the furry thing which I could only assume was a jacket hood. Everything. Moving my hand down, I grasped his throbbing erection and pumped it in time with my rough thrusts.

"S-Shit!" He moaned lustfully.

Knowing he was close I let myself begin to give in to the heat filling my body. Every bit of sanity we still had left us. We had become one. Our minds were both lost to the lust and emotions that over took us. With another hard thrust to his prostate, he released in my hand, shuddering madly and moaning at the top of his lungs. As I felt his tight muscles constrict around me, I couldn't hold back any longer.

"Ahh!" I yelled as I reached my orgasm, cumming deep inside his frail body.

Slowly, we both came down from our climaxes, panting heavily. Groaning a little, I pulled out of him and rested on top of him. His slender arms moved down some to hug me against him.

A soft giggle reached my ears as his hand gently traced circles in my back.

"You turn me into a whore."


	3. The Mask, Not Me

**Honestly I only wrote this chapter as a filler... More suspense for what is inevitably going to happen. I also really wanted to talk about the McCormick's home life. I LOVE the idea of Kenny and Kevin being like second parents to Karen and raising her. In fact I just like the idea of the McCormick siblings being incredibly close. **

**Recently edited to flow better with the rest of the story! Happy happy joy joy!**

**Review if you're excited for the next chapter. **

**Stay Beautiful~**

Chapter Three- The Mask, Not Me

Kenny's POV~

Babysitting. Yeah, I was currently babysitting.

Don't get me wrong, I kind of liked babysitting my younger sister. She was always so polite and well-mannered appose to her two brothers. Ironically that was my doing. The her-being-so-polite part. Ya see, our parents were the typical, drug dealer, white trash, alcoholic, dirt poor, non-educated type and had gone above and beyond at trying to raise their kids to be just as mentally fucked up as them. Naturally, me being the responsible, mature one, (Haha!) I had tried to shelter my innocent sister from their fucked up lives. I wanted her to have the childhood Kevin and I never got. I wanted her to be loved and not afraid of what the future held. I wanted her to be normal. So whenever my parents go out of town to go drink our food money away, or simple just didn't come home, I made sure to spend extra time with her, even though I knew she could take care of herself. I call it "babysitting" even though it's really just brother sister bonding time.

"Hey Ken, what's for dinner?" Karen's soft voice inquired.

"Cheeseburgers with French fries."

Karen sat up on the couch, her head leaving my shoulder, and turned to me. Cracking an eye open, I glanced over at the twelve year old. Her electric blue eyes held a look of worry and annoyance. Her light brown hair hung over her shoulders in two French braids I had just finished doing a half hour ago. I know, I'm a great parent right?

"Where did you get the money for that?"

Groaning, I straighten my sitting position on the old, dirty couch.

"Doesn't matter. Just be happy we have food; 'kay Squirt?"

A frown made its way onto her slightly tanned face.

"Fine."

I hated that she worried so much. It's not like I was out on the streets, sucking random guys off for money… again. All I did was take all the old beer bottles and cans over to the bottle counter and cash them all in. Luckily with parents like ours, there was enough to buy us some decent food for the rest of the week. It had been at least a month since we had a real meal and not just snacks.

"Do you want me to go start dinner now?"

"Fuck yeah, 'm starvin'." Kevin grumbled as he made his way down the rickety stairs in nothing but a dirty, ripped T-shirt and a pair of my boxers. Emphasis on the 'my'. Dipshit only wore my clothes cause he knew it pissed me off.

"Go make it yourself then." I retorted. "Didn't know you were gonna grace us with your presence til our parents got home."

Kevin made his way to the couch and flopped down next to Karen, letting his upper body slump against the worn out cushions.

"Hey, you gotta practice. Don't want yer future husband to be disappointed in his wife's cookin'." The brunette smirked lazily. "Figured I should make sure you didn't burn the house down. Although a card board box on the street would be a step up from this shithole."

"Fuck off, Kev."

"Go make us dinner, women!"

Karen let out a little giggle as she gazed up at me. Well, it's good to know my little sister had my back in this. Not. Grumbling to myself, I got up and headed for the kitchen.

"And don't start day dreaming about that yer Boyfriend! I don't want my burger ta burn!"

"I don't have a boyfriend, asswipe!"

"Then who the fuck is Craig?"

Oh fucking hell. I could feel my cheeks start to heat up. How the fuck did he know about Craig? A shit eating grin appeared on his chapped lips as he said "You talk a lot in your sleep, fag."

"Just fuck off Kevin." Flipping off the person I unfortunately called my brother, I continued into the kitchen. He was such an ass.

.O.O.O.

Pulling a blue cellphone from my pocket, I quickly, hit the "on" button.

Today in school, I had to give Craig another note to explain why I couldn't come over. It hurt me to do so but I really did need to come home tonight and spend some time with Karen. She really needed someone to be a parental unit to her. Having both Kevin and I there seemed to really cheer her up. Between the both of us we tried hard to make up for our parents short comings.

Anyway, the note pissed him off enough to cause a scene. That's when I knew I had to see him. Not just for me, but for him as well. So, I stole Stan's phone and texted Clyde, knowing he shared the same fifth period class as Craig, and told him Taco bell was having a buy two get one free sale on tacos. I knew Craig would get curious and follow him out, and so, I tampered with one of the bathrooms so the lights wouldn't turn on and we could be in there together. It ended with the best way it could have, sex.

For the rest of the day afterwards, I was completely out of it. Like, worse than usual. I just kind of stared out the window and thought about Craig. So, naturally, I forgot to give Stan back his phone. Well, sneak it back into his pocket. He's probably at home right now throwing a little temper tantrum about losing it. Heh. Wish I was there to see that.

The blue devise vibrated in my hand as I sat down on my bed.

7 missed calls from "Home." I laughed a little at that. Yup, he was looking for it. Flipping it open, I searched the contacts.

It was currently about eleven at night and I had already put Karen to bed. Kevin was watching TV downstairs and eating all the left over fries I slaved over, so I was left alone in our shared bedroom to entertain myself til I fell asleep. I decided to make use of the phone and annoy the hell out of someone, pretending I was Stan.

Scrolling down the never ending list, I contemplated who my victim would be.

Kyle would be fun. Then again, Stan and the little Jew boy were dating, and if I caused a fight between them Kyle would nag my ear off when he found out. Wendy was a no. I don't even think she would text 'Stan' back after she found out he liked a guy. Cartman's to annoying. The only reason I'd ever text Bebe would be to get a picture of her boobs. I was a little surprised to see Token and Clyde's names listed. I didn't even know Stan associated with them. Then again, he liked to keep up a popular image so having every student's number in his phone wasn't that big of a shocker. Scrolling down the list my eyes searched for Craig's number. I barely contained a Bebe squeal when the little indicator landed on his name.

Oh yes, tonight would be fun.

Pulling the info up onto the screen I opened a new message.

"Hey Craig :)" I typed quickly before pressing send.

The text back was almost instantaneous which kind of surprised me. It was no secret that Craig hated Stan; almost as much as he hated me.

"The fuck you want Marsh?"

"Wat do u think of Kenny?"

Why I was asking I had no idea. Maybe I needed a good reminder of why I couldn't tell Craig who his precious Mysterion was. I had almost slipped up today in the bathroom and spilled the beans.

"I fucking hate him. Why?"

"Jw… I think he likes u"

My heart fell a little and I tried to ignore the reply as long as I could. I didn't really want to have this talk even though I had started it.

"And you're telling me this why?"

"Cuz Kennys my frend and I want him 2 b happy"

"He's a fucking pervert. No fucking way would I EVER be interested in his STD infested ass."

I sighed slowly, trying to not think about the insult me 'boyfriend' just typed.

"Dude hes not that bad. Hes pretty cool"

"No. Fucking. Way."

"Yeah, he acts like a perv all the time but hes actually nice and trustworthy once u get 2 no him"

"I repeat; No. Fucking. Way."

"Hes sweet and genuine and not to mention, fukin sexy"

"He is NOT sexy, you fag."

"Yes he is. Hes got those blue eyes and that hot blonde hair. O and that sexy ass."

Yup, I am conceded. Yawning a little, I laid back on my bed, waiting for the next text. It had already been a half hour or so and dang, the day had just drained all my energy. I was tired.

"No."

"But u like blue eyes! D:"

Craig had told me once before that he loved my eyes. Uhm, well he told Mysterion.

"Good Bye Marsh."

Sadly, I sighed and closed the phone. There was no use trying to convince him I was anything worth dating. He obviously hated me with a passion. That was definitely the convincing I needed to never tell him who I was. He would never love me for me. It didn't matter that Mysterion and I were exactly the same. As long as there wasn't a mask covering my face, I was nothing but a stupid whore to him. Nothing I ever did would be able to change that.

I let out a sad sigh and forced myself to relax before I did something stupid like cry, which I was already on the verge of doing. I had to just accept reality. Craig was in love with the mask, not me.


	4. My Lying Hero

**Sad sad Chapter... 'Nough said.**

**Please Review!~**

Chapter Four – My Lying Hero

Kenny's POV~

"Hey Kev, can you watch her tonight?" I ask, pointing down to girl clusthing at my hand. She looked up at me a little confused but decided to stay quiet.

"'m goin' out tonight with some people from werk."

"Please? I can guaranty you Karen'll be much funner to hang out with. And I'm sure your liver agrees."

Kevin glanced over at Karen and me with mild interest as we walked toward our piece of shit house. After I got out of school, Kevin and I thought it would be a good idea to take Karen to the library. Anything was better than sitting in the rickety old shack we called a house. Karen had quite the stack of books checked out after our visit that she somehow convinced Kevin to carry. I had actually gotten a book myself. Whether I was going to read it or not was a different story.

"Why the fuck do you want me to watch her tonight? Where are you planning on going?"

"Out."

"Where?" Karen mumbled, staring up at me with her water blue eyes.

"I really want to spend the night at a friend's house before our parents get home." I told her reassuringly. She tended to just assume the worst. She never really forgot the one time the cops brought me home for "prostitution" and "minor in possession".

Crime in South Park was always a little more intense when my drug dealing parents were around which was one of the reasons I never got to spend a lot of time with Craig. I loved him but the town really did need me. Plus I would never forgive myself if he got hurt again from my lack of heroing.

She nodded and looked up at the eldest of the three of us. Fluttering her long eyelashes and pouting lightly she begged, "Kev, we never really hangout anymore just us. Please just this one night?"

Kevin looked down at our sister with a look of contemplation on his face. A sigh escaped his chapped lips as he gazed upon the adorable girl. She always knew just how to get at us, melt our hearts until we did exactly what she said. McCormick charm I guess.

"Sure Kare-bear. I'll watch ya for the night."

.O.O.O.

Craig's POV~

An exasperated groan passed my lips as I glared at the trigonometry book. Seriously, who gave a fuck about stupid triangles! Fuck Pascal's triangle, fuck radians, and fuck Sin, Cos, and Tan. No one needed this shit!

With a loud growl, I flung the book and all my papers onto the floor. Resting my head in my arms on my desk, I proceeded to think about how fucking pointless Trig was. It would never benefit me to know how to do it, right? I mean fuck, I had one and a half years of high school left, than I was off to some college somewhere to study something not math related. Preferably photography. So tell me Mr. Jacobson, when the fuck is trigo-fucking-nometry going to be of any help to me post-graduation? Uh hu… never… That's what I thought.

Suddenly, I felt something pressing down on the top of my head. It felt like an elbow. A loud sigh erupted from above me as whoever was in my room prepared to speak.

"Such delight you must be to have in class. I envy your teachers, Tucker." A gravelly, familiar voice sarcastically uttered.

A small, excited smirk appeared on my hidden lips.

"At least I don't skip class to go fuck a poor, innocent student in an abandoned bathroom."

I could feel a soft chuckle burst forth from the others chest which was now pressed right up against the part of my back that wasn't covered by the chair I was sitting in.

"Last I checked you were the one who went searching for a good fuck instead of sitting through class."

I sat up abruptly, pushing the person back and off me. Turning around in my swizzle chair I looked up at my masked hero. An all knowing smirk tugged at his lips. His purple clad arms were crossed over the green M on his equally purple chest. His breath taking eyes were glued to my own and his lithe body leaned onto one leg as he stood there in front of me.

"I didn't go looking for you, you fucking jumped me."

His smirk grew wider as he lessoned the space between us. My breath hitched slightly as his nose bumped up against my own.

"You let me." He mumbled before he pushed his lips to mine lovingly.

I kissed back, wrapping my arms around his neck as I did so. Hesitantly, Mysterion pulled back just enough to smile at me. His arms wrapped around my waist securely, pulling me up to my feet so I was eye level, or almost eye level with him. One inch really isn't all that much of a difference though. And besides, sometimes I liked being taller.

"Are your parents going to be home tonight?" He asked softly. He always asked this in the fear of being caught I presume. Luckily for us my parents and sister are all fucking useless and uninterested in what I'm up to. My father, or as I liked to call him, homophobic fuckass, worked late and normally got home at about nine. My mother was always off somewhere. My little sister who I couldn't care less about normally just locked herself I her room or stayed at a friend's.

"Yeah. Ruby's in her room. My parents will be home later."

"Fuck," he grumbled before blurting out, "I'm spending the night tonight."

I looked at him with a look of confusion and excitement. Did I really just hear what I thought I did? Mysterion had never stayed the night. He always fucking left right after we had sex. Now… Now he was staying. My heart skipped a beat at the idea of us holding each other tightly as we slept. Oh dear lord… did I really just think that? Fuck, I'm turning into such a pansy ass fag. Thank you so much Mysterion.

"Seriously?" I questioned, a little skeptical. I was almost too good to be true.

"Seriously. I'm off duty tonight for babysitting and crime stopping. I'm all yours."

This time, I couldn't help but let the small blush creep onto my face as a very rare smile spread across my usually monotonous face. He smirked up at me from my obviously faggy expression. Quickly trying to cover it up I added, "Whatever. You're helping me with my math homework though."

"Fine but on one condition."

"Hm?" A mischievous glint appeared in his oceanic eyes. Fuck, I think my heart just stopped in fear.

"I'm topping tonight."

.O.O.O.

He collapsed next to me on the bed breathlessly. I shivered a little, already missing the closeness and warmth of his touch. Carefully, I tried to turn toward him. A sharp pain ran up my spine at the slow movement.

"AH! Fuck!" I groaned in agony.

An airless chuckle broke out of the masked figure next to me. I glared at Mysterion in irritation. He could just shut the fuck up. My mother fucking body wasn't use to having someone shove their cock up its ass. I wasn't him. I wasn't use to bottoming.

Mysterion turned his gaze sideways at me. Another fucking chuckle escaped his lips as he turned on his side to face me. Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around me and pull me flush against his damp chest. I nuzzled against him finding the warmth I had been missing. I could feel him pressing his face into my hair. A small sigh was audible from him.

"I love you." He mumbled into my raven hair.

"I love you too."

"I don't want to go to sleep yet."

"We could go watch a movie in the living room. Everyone else is asleep."

"Kay."

He pressed a kiss to my head before he pulled away. Cautiously, I sat up only to be met with the pain in my ass again. Fuck, I wouldn't have let him take control if I would have known how bad it hurt afterward. Fucking asshole.

Slowly, I stood up and shuffled to my dresser. Quickly I slipped my castoff boxers back on. Mysterion, being the completely mobile asshole he was had already clothed himself in his boxers and my earlier discarded T-shirt. His mask and hood remained perfectly in place. Reaching inside my monochromatically blue dresser, I pulled out a pair of pajama pants and another T-shirt for myself. Redressing hastily, I turned back around to find Mysterion leaning against my door holding my Red Racer blanket. Carefully, I made my way over to him. He wrapped and arm around me and slowly led us to the living room. I guess he was trying to make sure my ass wouldn't hurt. How fucking touching. All sarcasm aside, it actually really was.

"What do you want to watch?" He asked as I cautiously sat down on the couch. He was standing in front of the small case of DVDs we owned right next to the TV.

"I don't care."

"Toy Story it is then."

I inwardly groaned at the mention of the child's movie. Being one of the only movies my family had growing up, it was over played to me. Secretly though, I still loved it.

After popping the disk into the DVD player, Mysterion sat down next to me and wrapped the blanket around us. He cuddled right up against me as the movie began to play. I let my arm drape across his shoulders in what I hoped would be a loving act. He let out a barely audible sigh of contentment which satisfied me. Tonight couldn't get any better.

.O.O.O.

An hour or so later, Mysterion was softly snoring with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I swear to god, he was the cutest thing when he was asleep. About as cute as Stripe was.

… And once again, I am thinking like a complete fag.

My attention had left the movie a while ago when I first heard my hero's soft snores begin. Since then, I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. The way the TV light hit him made his features look softer than usual. Suddenly something occurred to me. He was asleep. Totally off guard and… who really was Mysteroin?

I bit my lip as I continued to stare down at the vigilante. It would be so simple. All I had to do was pull his hood back a little or his mask down. I could easily fix either of the two stupid articles of fabric that hid his true identity. It was literally that fucking easy. I could find out the true identity of the person I loved. So simple… Wait, what was I thinking? How could I even begin to think about betraying Mysterion's trust like that? If he wanted me to know, he would have told me god damnit, right? Yeah… Then again, what if this was all one big trick? What if he didn't love me and that's why his identity had to remain a secret from me?

I shook my head in an attempt to rid myself of such terrible thoughts. Of course Mysterion loved me… I thought. There was no way around this was there?

Tentatively, I reached for his purple hood. My hand was shaking as I did so. I thought I was also holding my breath as well. Squeezing my eyes shut, I gripped the edge of the hood and slid it back. I couldn't look. I couldn't fucking do this. I didn't know if I was scared of who he could possibly be or excited. I really needed to open my eyes and just get this over with. I'd have to open them anyway to fix his hood. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Maybe I was just over reacting. Finally, I forced my eyes open.

Blonde. Mysterion was blonde. There were only a few blondes in my class and judging by the rest of Mysterion's behaviors and habits that must mean that…

I shut my eyes again and held my breath, praying to god that Mysterion was NOT who I thought he was. I opened my eyes again only to be met with the same blonde head of hair that could only belong to the person I hated the most, Kenny fucking McCormick. Fuck, this couldn't be happening to me. It was so obvious the entire time! How the fuck didn't I figure it out? The family issues, the stupid jokes, his fucking eyes, everything was so fucking obvious and yet I just refused to believe it.

I could feel my stomach turning inside me at just the thought of everything we had done, everything we had been through, how much I actually thought I liked him. It made me sick. How could I have ever loved someone like him! He was probably only using me for sex anyway the, fucking whore.

In pure disgust, I pulled his hood back up. I couldn't do this. No way could I ever love him, but, I couldn't tell him that I knew either. For some fucked up reason, I didn't want to hurt him. I guess my mind still hadn't separated the two yet. I guess the carelessness of his stupid disguise must have woke him up or something. McCormick yawned softly against my chest and removed his arms from around me to rub at his eyes. He hazily looked up at me with his watery blue eyes as a lazy smile spread across his lips.

"Did I pass out?" He asked in his fake voice.

I nodded, looking back up at the TV to see the movie had ended.

"I think it's time for bed." I said more to myself then him. Maybe in the morning I would wake up and find out this was all just one fucked up nightmare.

"Kay." He mumbled, kissing me on the cheek.

I flinched at his fake act of affection. That fucking liar.

A look of confusion passed over his face at this.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I mumbled, standing up and turning the TV off. When I turned back around, Kenny, or should I say "Mysterion" was staring at me with more confusion. He was still wrapped up in my blanket which made him look insanely weak and adorable. Seriously brain, have you not figured out this is the man slut McCormick yet? I mentally cursed myself and made my way back to my bedroom, not even really checking to see if he was following. Part of me hoped he wasn't. He could sleep outside for all I cared anymore. I heard footsteps behind me though so I guess he must have gotten up.

I collapsed in bed with a loud sigh. I officially hated my life. I could feel the bed shift as McCormick laid down next to me. The blanket from earlier was still wrapped around him as he faced me. A questioning, worried look still showed through his mask. I turned to face him fully. Why was he so confused? Why did I even care? Oh wait, I didn't.

Cautiously, he reached across the bed and touched my cheek. The feeling was warm and comforting. I let my eyes close as he slowly ran his thump over my cheek. Suddenly, an image of McCormick ran through my brain. I pulled away from his touch as fast as I could, my eyes shooting open to stare at him, my "hero." He pulled his hand back quickly, an obvious look of hurt hitting his vibrant blue eyes.

I glared at him for a second for being so stupid. He seriously thought he could trick me. Well fuck him. I rolled over so I was facing away from him. It was silent for a few moments before I heard a sigh echo through my dark room. I just wanted this horrible night to be over.

I felt my mattress move under me as McCormick curled up in a ball, his hands brushed against my back, (I shifted away from his touch) as he curled up in a ball.

"I love you Craig." He said in his normal voice. McCormick's voice. His words sounded so genuine, so real, it was hard to believe that they weren't. It caught me of guard to hear him say those words in his everyday voice. Did he really take me for such a fool to not see through his lies? I scoffed at his feeble words.

"Whatever." I grumbled back.


	5. Red Racer Blanket

**Sooo much editing in this chapter. When I originally wrote this, it was overly emotional and rather out of character. So, I tried to clean it up a bit and keep the characters more true to their original personalities. **

**Review please!~**

Chapter five – Red Racer Blanket

Kenny's POV~

Beeping. Something was beeping and holy fuck was it annoying. Squeezing my eyes shut tighter, I clung even tighter to the body I was pressed up against's shirt; my face pressing firmly into the fabric on their back. After what felt like a fucking century, the beeping ceased. Of course though, by this point I was already awake.

Slowly, I became conscious that I was not in my own bed and that I was actually pressed up against a real person. I lay there, utterly confused for what felt like a century but was probably only a second before it hit me. I was at Craig's house, in Craig's bed, as Mysterion. I spent the night. We did his homework… or, I drew all over it and he yelled at me. Then we ate some pizza cause his parents refused to make dinner, had sex, and watched a movie; Toy Story. I fell asleep half way through it due to how comfy I was cuddled up against Craig. Something happened though, after I woke up. Craig seemed distant, pissed even. I remembered he kept flinching away from my touch. When we actually went to bed I knew something was wrong but I couldn't figure out what. I couldn't remember doing anything that would piss him off. Before we went to sleep I had told him I loved him, dropping the Mysterion persona for a moment. I did that occasionally just so it would actually feel like he loved me, not Mysterion. He had never seemed to notice before when I did and would reply with a smile or a kiss. This time though, his reply was a "whatever". I remember how crushed I was after hearing him utter that.

I had to force my eyes not to well up with tears at the memory of the pain I felt at that moment. That was literally the biggest thing I could do without saying who I was. I wanted nothing more than to rip my stupid mask of and kiss him, but I couldn't. I knew he would never accept me, but somehow I had allowed myself to hope he would, and did. But he said Whatever. That was his only reply before falling asleep. Whatever. He had unintentionally crushed me. He had just said, practically to my face, that he didn't love me back, even if he didn't know it. It hurt. I remember crying into my knees before I too fell asleep.

I took deep breathes, trying to relax myself. It wasn't really working and I could feel a tear slip from my eye. Fuck, I'm turning into a girl now. Everything would be fine. Craig was just tired last night. He tended to become a bigger asshole than usual when he was sleepy.

Sighing to myself I nuzzled against the familiar person. He smelt nice. Might as well enjoy sleep for a while longer.

.O.O.O.

Craig's POV~

Fuck. My. Alarm clock.

Growling in frustration, I turned over in my small bad to throw the damned thing against a wall. Automatically after rolling over though, I came face-to-face with a purple hood. I stared at it in confusion, looking down to see a lithe body pressed up against me under the blue covers. Then I remembered. Mysterion spent the night for the first time. I smiled to myself, ignoring the obnoxious beeping long enough to wrap my arms around the sleeping figure. He shivered a bit and pressed himself tight against me. Reaching across Mysterion, I hit the snooze button quickly, returning back to the position I had just obtained with my beautiful hero. Kissing the top of his head softly, I closed my eyes again. It was Friday, who really gave a fuck if two students were late. Two students… Wait.

And then I remember it. I had unmasked him, found out who he was.

Pulling my arms back I scowled at my moment of weakness. How the fuck could I not remember? Mysterion was fucking McCormick.

As carefully as possible, as to not wake Captain Syphilis, I pushed him away from me. I do]idn't think I could stand staying that close to him. His face contorted in a weird, sad look before he curled up into a ball and continued to sleep.

Sighing, I sat up and swiftly got out of bed. Those covers would have to be burned now. That's when I noticed how wet the back off my shirt was. How the fuck did the back get wet? Looking back at McCormick, I noticed how red and puffy his eyes were. He was snoring lightly and as a result, his full lips were chapped. Had he been crying? Why the fuck would he cry? It's not like anything happened as far as he knew. We were still dating. I inwardly grimaced. I honestly didn't know how much more I could take of him now that I knew who he was. That's another thing. Why did he lie? Did he really want to get in my pants that badly that he would go out of his way to save me? Was I like the only person in the school he hadn't screwed so he made some elaborate plan just to change that or something? And why did he stay? Did he really like fucking with my mind that much? Of course that was it. Typical McCormick for you. Doesn't care about anything but pleasing his cock. He's probably not even capable of emotions like love, not that I really am either. He's the kind of person to fuck and run. No commitments, no feelings, nothing. I'm the type to push everyone away. I hate confusing shit like this. Simplicity. That's all I want. Love? Love is not simple. So why did he pretend to love me of all people? More importantly, why did I choose him? I mean, no I didn't know who he was but still, why did I let my guard down for him; a complete stranger?

I thought about that for a moment, gazing down at the sleeping McCormick. He had successfully created a cocoon around him made of my blankets. His eyes were shut in a way so I could see his long, blonde eyelashes. The parts of his cheeks that weren't hidden held their regular pink shade. His lips were slightly parted to make way for his relaxed breathes. Suddenly, his face scrunched up a bit as he began to curl up tighter in a ball. In a quite whisper, he mumbled out my name, only to smile softly and roll over to face the wall.

I couldn't help but smile to myself at that. I fell in love with him because he was different. He wasn't your average, everyday highschooler. He was brave, kind hearted and loving. He was perfect. But it was all a lie.

I growled a bit at that thought. It didn't matter anymore. McCormick lied to me. He led me on and was planning to keep it up. He never had feelings for me and even if he did, I didn't give a fuck. He was a fucking piece of trash that I just wanted to throw out.

.O.O.O.

After a quick shower, I returned to my room, fully clothed in normal me smelling attire, my hat resting atop my wet hair. It felt good to wash all of his germs off of me.

As I stepped foot into my room I noticed Mysterion was sitting on my window ledge, wrapped in my blanket and looking just as shitty as he had when he was asleep. He was gazing at his feet which were firmly planted to the ground in front of the window. I studied him for a few moments in confusion. What the fuck was up with him?

Shrugging off the weird feeling I was getting by staring at him, I made my way across the room to my desk. Grabbing my backpack and quickly shoving all of the necessary crap I needed to survive a day at the hellhole. I mentally made a note to grab a bottle of aspirin and a cup coffee on the way. I could already tell it was going to be a fucking long day.

"Craig, do you love me?"

I froze. That voice. That question. He spoke softly, abandoning the fake Mysterion voice, opting for himself. Kenny McCormick. Deep down, I felt my heart darken. Why was he taunting me like this? Turning to him with a look of boredom and disgust I told him the honest truth.

"No, McCormick. I don't."

That time it was his turn to freeze. His eyes grew wide at the mention of him real name. He looked up at me with his sky blue eyes in astonishment; his mouth hanging open slightly. I just rolled my eyes and went back to packing. He couldn't have expected me to go along with his stupid rule of not finding out forever.

"Did you love Mysterion?" He breathed out.

I stopped. Did I love Mysterion? Well, him as a separate person yes, I did love him. More than anything. But he had just been a lie so it's not like it mattered. I stayed silent and continued packing. I really didn't want to talk.

"You know;" he mumbled in his everyday voice, "we aren't any different from each other." The last part of his pathetic speech adopting the deep voice of the vigilante I thought I had loved.

I glared at him for that. Of course they were different. Mysterion was a persona. He was loving, kind, sweet, and put other's safety before himself. McCormick was a poor, backstabbing, self-centered, whore.

"Bull-fucking-shit." I growled back. "You're a complete unfeeling, dimwitted, white trash, loser who mooches off of his friends and corrupts people to do what you say. You are nothing like him and I fucking hate you."

The look on his face surprised me. I was only stating the obvious. He knew it, I knew it, and yet he looked so broken. Like someone had just beaten the shit out of him and left him to die. He turned his gaze downward to his lap again and sighed quietly.

"Can I barrow some clothes? I can't wear this to school…" He mumbled dejectedly.

I frowned and moved to my dressed, rummaging through it to find something I didn't want. Grabbing some holy jeans, a pair of sock, a blue zip-up sweat shirt and a faded Red Racer T-shirt, I flung them at him. I figured he would be excited to have these articles of clothing. Especially since they were already nicer than anything he already owned.

"Keep them." I grumbled, leaving the room so he could change.

.O.O.O.

My parents had already left for work luckily, and Ruby was still locked up in her small bathroom next to her room so no one had to see who slept over. Hell, I didn't even want to see him.

We made our way to my bus stop in silence. McCormick had 'barrowed' one of my old backpacks and had stuffed his stupid outfit in it after changing. Before leaving, he had combed his fucking soft hair quickly and brushed his teeth with a tooth brush that of course, I had to get for him. Fucking moocher. Other than my holy jeans, which were a bit big, the T-Shirt, and my old hoody, he also had on his Mysterion boots since I wasn't going to let him wear any of my shoes. He was still wrapped up in my Red Racer blanket that I had just told him to keep. He still looked like shit. His eyes had bags under them and his lips were in a permanent frown. His hazy eyes were cast down at his feet as we walked to the corner of the street.

Once we got close enough, my biggest fears were realized. Clyde, Token, and Tweek were waiting there for me. They'd see McCormick. They'd see McCormick in my stuff coming from my house. Jesus fuck, my life was over. As we got closer I heard Clyde squeal like the little gay boy he is and scream my name.

"Yo Craig! Sup my broski? Hey… Uh, Ken…" Clyde trailed off as he actually noticed the blonde zombie trudging along behind me.

"Dude, why is Kenny here with you?" Token questioned.

"Wearing your clothes…"

Tweek made one of his usual nervous sounds and mumble something about how we had all been transported to an alternate universe where McCormick and I liked each other.

"Did you guy's hate-fuck last night?" Clyde raised an eyebrow as he eyed the two of us. I noticed a slight blush appear on Kenny's cheeks before he hung his head, obviously not wanting to talk about it. Thank God he had decided to keep his mouth shut for once. I didn't need any of this getting out to anyone.

"No." I shot back annoyed. "It was just some stupid thing. Don't worry about it. As for you…" I turned to look at Kenny, grabbing the front of his sweatshirt and yanking him against me. His head snapped up to look at me fearfully. Good. He should be afraid of me after the fucking stunt he pulled.

"It's over." I grumbled quietly so only he could hear. Roughly, I shoved him away from me. He stumbled a bit but regained balance fairly quickly. He looked at me with a completely broken look in his eyes. I watched as the look hardened into something emotionless and empty. He turned his gaze to the other side of the street in complete silence.

No fighting, no tears, that was it. I was done with McCormick.


	6. I Can Pretend

**Before I talk about this chapter I want to talk about all of you guys: my lovely followers. So today, before I edited this chapter I looked through all the people who were following this story and I discovered that some of you are actually some of my favorite Crenny authors... Like I idolize you guys. I**'**m not a big re-reader of fanfics or books but oh my god... I've read those fanfics a billion times over. So yeah, just wanted to say I'm honored you guys all like my story. All of you. You're all the reason I actually keep going with this thing. **

**Any way, sad chapter. Stenny not Crenny... Weird. This chapter had a LOT of editing it needed and honestly, I kind of did a half assed job cause I was really busy today packing for my dance summer intensive. **

**Hope you enjoy it!~**

Chapter 6 – I Can Pretend

Kenny's POV~

I trudged through the hallways of South Park High, completely oblivious to the world around me. Everyone wore smiles, everyone had shining eyes and everyone knew the joy of laughter. Then there was me; sulking and hoping for something fatal to take me away to hell where I could at least bitch at Damien until he got sick of me and sent me back up here.

I never dealt with emotional pain well. Actually, I've never really experienced it full on. From a young age I was taught to never hope or want. It made it almost impossible to be hurt with this upbringing. I had let my guard down though and of course it blew up in my face. Stupid me.

I opted for skipping first period since I had it with Craig. I really didn't think I had the energy or the strength to even see him right then. How could he have just left me like that? After everything that we had been through. Every kiss, every 'I love you', every time we had sex. Did he think it wasn't real or did he really just hate me that much not to care? None of it was a lie to me. How the fuck did he find out it was me anyway? Throughout the night I had checked several times to make sure my hair was safely under that stupid hood. I only used my real voice to say I loved him and it's not like that was the first time. So what was it?

Eventually I made it to the front door of my shitty high school. Making my way down the stairs I rounded the corner of the building. The ground was covered in a thin sheet of snow that kept sticking to my boots and catching to the ends of the jeans that were too long on me. Heaving a loud sigh, I collapsed under one of the trees that resided on the edge of the campus. The ground was freezing but at least there wasn't any snow. What was I going to do with myself? I was such a fuck up. Maybe if I would have told him in the beginning who I was or maybe if I wouldn't have saved him at all. He could have probably beaten those assholes up. It's not like he was weak or anything. I should have just left him. I was perfectly fine before he was in my life. I had all the time and sex I wanted from whoever I wanted it from. Now though. Now I questioned if I would ever want be able to have sex with another person again let alone want to. Something about meaningful sex. It was just so much better. It was like filling a void in you that you didn't even know existed. I knew that eventually I'd get over this if I just tried hard enough but damnit. It felt like my life was over at that very second.

Groaning, I brought my knees up to my chest, hugged my legs and rested my head on top of them. Fuck, I wish I could just escape this nightmare. Go back in time or even forward. Or even just get high or drunk. Anything to escape reality. It was taking all of my strength not to cry. Crying showed weakness and I was anything but weak. If anything, I wish I was in my own clothes. Not this stupidly comfortable blue sweatshirt that smelled so Craig like. So perfect and soothing. It was so not fucking fair.

I squeezed my eye shut tighter than they already were and tried as hard as I could not to inhale the familiar scent of the boy I loved. Why did he hate me? Didn't he see how much he meant to me? Why was it that much of a difference if Mysterion was me? My breath became a bit ragged as I tried to fight back the tears. I couldn't accept this. Craig Tucker was the only thing I wanted in this entire fucked up world. So why the fuck was I not allowed to have him?

"Uh, Kenny? What are you doing?"

My head jolted up to stare in surprise at the person standing in front of me. When the fuck did Stan get here exactly? Hurriedly, I wiped the tears that I had not been successful at holding in from my eyes and tried to regain composure. No one had seen me cry. Ever. I didn't want to change now even if it was just one of my best friends.

Stan stared down at me in a little awkwardly. He seemed just as uncomfortable with the situation as I was. The top of his raven hair was covered by the same hat he wore all through our elementary years. He wore a rather nice brown coat that hugged his frame nicely and a red scarf that hung loosely from his neck. In one hand he held a cup of what I could only assume to be coffee and in the other a pack of cigarettes. I tried as hard as I could to look away from him so he couldn't see my red eyes.

"Nothing." I grumbled, trying to give the impression that I was actually doing nothing.

He rolled his eyes before stating, "Dude, don't try and act tough, you were obviously crying."

"Why the fuck would I be crying?" I snapped back, a bit harsher than originally planned. He frowned at this and swiftly plopped himself down beside me.

"You tell me."

I closed my eyes as the thoughts of why I was crying came rushing back. I couldn't tell… Could I? Stan and I had been friends for years. Even if we weren't as tight as Kyle and him we were still best friends.

"I don't want to talk about it…" I finally mumbled, tears threatening to pour from my eyes again.

Stan sighed and set his coffee down. Pulling a cigarette from the pack he lit it quickly before taking a long drag and exhaling.

"Take your time. I'm not going to first period either."

I sniffled a bit and looked over at him slightly confused. That was one of the only, if not the only, class he shared with Kyle. Mr. Advanced placement hadn't taken a grade level class since middle school. The only time we ever really saw him anymore was lunch and this year, homeroom.

"What about Kyle?" He frowned again at this.

"Kyle's being a little prick this morning." He growled.

I sighed quietly and rested my head on my knees again. Everyone's going through relationship problems right now. Still didn't really make me feel any better though.

"Whose clothes are you wearing?" He asked abruptly.

I froze. When I said I didn't want to talk about it, I seriously fucking meant it. Now, I did have to talk about it.

"Craig's." I muttered.

"Why?"

"Cause."

"That's not an answer Ken."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Stan took another long drag from his cigarette which now seemed almost as good as sex to me.

"So you're upset over Craig?" He asked.

"Yeah…"

He sighed. "Craig's just a jealous fucker. Don't be so down about him hating you, kay? So what if one person hates you. The rest of the world pretty much loves you."

That wasn't fucking it at all.

"Stan, I fucking love him and he left me!" I blurted out, raising my head to do so. My hands shot to my mouth immediately after I spilled the beans. Why did I just say that?

Stan stared at me with a look of confusion.

"What?"

I returned my gaze to the snow in front of me. I'm not going to talk about this.

"You loved him?" He questioned hesitantly.

I nodded slowly in response.

"And what do you mean he left you? You two weren't dating…"

Slowly, I removed my hands and sighed. There was no turning back. I had to tell him.

"Do you remember back when we were little and we were all obsessed with Mysterion?"

.O.O.O.

"D-Dude, I don't even fuckin' care about him any… anymore." I muttered.

Stan nodded in approval and held his beer up.

"He was a fucking a-ass to you. You deserve sooo much bebber…" He slurred back.

After pouring my heart out to Stan he decided I needed the day off. So we ended up at his house, drinking our problems away. He was currently taking up all the room on his couch while I sat facing him on the carpet.

"Wha do ya m-mean?" I asked, squinting my yes in an attempt to steady my vision.

"H-he's a complete asshole dude," he slurred out, tossing his arms in every direction and spilling some beer onto the couch he was laying on. "he doesn't g-give a fuck about any…anyone. He was probably only usin' you for sex like everyone else!"

I stared up at Stan from my position on the floor. I felt a pang of pain erupt in my chest.

"Is that how you see me too?" I asked out of nowhere. It was hard enough to try and comprehend what Stan had said. I didn't want to believe Craig was just like all the other one timers I'd been with but, what if he was? Stan looked down at me with his cerulean blue eyes from. His hat and coat had been discarded a while ago, along with Craig's sweatshirt I had been wearing. His raven hair was sticking up in a few random places and it reminded me of Craig's bed head. Excluding the eyes, Stan could have been Craig's twin. They looked so fucking similar. Their personalities were polar opposites but look wise, hell, the people that didn't know them thought they were brothers. The more I stared at him, the easier it was to picture him being Craig. My Craig. The one that opened up to me and accepted me when I opened up to him. Even as Stan's lips began to generate words, I could practically hear Craig's deeper voice coming out.

"I would never think that way of you Kenny."

And that's when the tears came. I didn't have the energy to try and stop them this time. He looked like Craig, he sounded like Craig, fuck he probably even smelled like him. All I've ever wanted was to hear Craig tell me he accepted me. That I wasn't just some cheap whore but an actual person. And not Mysterion but actually me, Kenny fucking McCormick. Now, I felt like I was. And it fucking hurt.

Stan stared down at me as I bawled my eyes out. His own eyes were soft and compassionate in the mid-day light that was leaking through the window. He reached a hand out and stroked my cheek softly trying to get me to stop. I flinched away from him. Every time I looked at him at this point all I saw was Craig.

"Ken are you okay?" Craig asked in his usual monotone voice. It held little emotion except for just the slightest hint of remorse.

I shook my head and tried to remember this was Stan. Not Craig.

I failed.

Craig sighed softly and sat up on the couch patting beside him. For me, being as completely intoxicated as I was, moving from the floor to the couch was no simple task. Everything seemed off. Craig frowned as he watched my pathetic attempts at standing and grabbed my arm, accidentally pulling me into his lap. My arms automatically wrapped around his torso before he could move to the vacant spot beside him. Instead, he pushed my head into his chest and softly stroked my hair.

"Shhhh…" he mumbled into my ear as he tried to relax me. "I promise everything will be okay."

I buried my face into his shirt and took a deep breathe. He smelled so familiar and perfect. I didn't want to shatter this illusion. Ever.

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" He asked softly.

Tell me you love me. Kiss me. Make me yours. Promise me you'll never leave me again. Take back everything you said. Love me for who I really am. No. I couldn't request any of those things. He wasn't mine anymore. This moment was all I had left with him and it wasn't even real. Or maybe it was. What could I ask for?

I knew what I wanted.

Slowly I lied down on the couch, pulling him on top of me. He stared down at me in confusion.

"Take me." I murmured.

His eyes widened a bit as he tried to sit up. I held him still. His cheeks were tinted with a slight blush.

"K-Kenny… No, we can't." He stumbled out, looking away.

I knew he didn't want me. I wasn't Mysterion now. I was Kenny. The poor slut with no future. Who could ever really want that?

"Please…" I mumbled, looking up at him completely defeated. "I need this. I need you. Just one more time." I begged.

His expression softened a bit.

"Who do you think I am?" He asked.

I frowned at his stupid question.

"Craig please, just pretend like you still like me for five minutes, okay?"

He stared down at me sadly. Something was wrong with that look. Shouldn't he be frowning, grimacing, even hurting me for even uttering his name? Something so vial as myself saying the name of someone as perfect as him? Why was he sad?

"Okay."

Tentatively, I pulled him down toward me. His lips barely brushed over mine awakening butterflies in my stomach. He always was able to do that. Gently, he pressed his lips to mine again. I wrapped my arms around his neck as our lips meshed together perfectly.

I was crying again. This was all I wanted. One more time. One more chance. Just so I could really let go. One more perfect moment.

His hands slipped under my, or I guess his, T-shirt to rest on my slender stomach. It felt good to have him touch me again. My fingers laced in his jet black hair as his fingertips continued to travel up to my chest. Our lips were still firmly connected. I shook lightly as his hands came in contact with my nipples. Goosebumps erupted all over my body. Carefully, he rolled his fingers over the stubs making me melt into the kiss all the more. After a while, his hands continued their ascend until he was forced to disconnect our lips to pull my shirt off. The second the stupid piece of clothing was gone, I smashed my lips to his again. He groaned softly and kisses back with just as much force as I had given.

My hands slipped out of his raven locks to slide his shirt up and off as well. In a flash I was attacking his neck viciously. I wanted him to have marks. My marks. His beautiful moans urged me on. My heart stopped as I felt his hands palming me through my jeans. God, he didn't know how much I wanted this; wanted him. Within a matter of seconds I had us both free of our restricting jeans down to only the flimsy fabric of our boxers. Craig stared down at me for a few moments almost as if he was mulling something over.

"Are you sure you really want this?..." He asked.

Another stupid question.

"Yes."

Craig sighed softly and leaned down to place a swift kiss on my lips.

"Don't hate me when this is over then."

Before I could question his odd statement my mind went blank. His hand had found its way into my boxers and had roughly started to rub and stroke the sensitive skin of my cock. The world seemed to melt all around us as Craig continued his amazing hand job. I gripped his shoulders as tight as I could as he tugged crudely on my needy erection. He was the only person who knew how to pleasure me anymore. With a loud moan I reluctantly stopped him from continuing. I didn't want to cum yet. Not without him inside me. He seemed to get the message and quickly rid himself of his boxers as I tugged my own worn out ones off. A small gasp escaped my lips as I felt his fingers rubbing against my entrance.

"N-No." I mumbled, pushing his hand away. "Just do it please…" I whimpered.

Craig frowned a bit but complied. He placed a gentle kiss to my forehead before rocking his hips against my own. I moaned at the contact. I bit my lip hard as I felt him rubbing his own cock against my entrance. This was what I wanted. To feel as physically and emotionally close to him as I could just one more time before he was gone.

A loud cry echoed through the living room as he thrust into me with all his force. Tears streaked my face again; more from knowing this was our final time than the actual pain. I was used to it rough.

"Y-You okay?" He murmured.

I nodded quickly, pushing back against him to try and get him to move. He smiled a bit at my needy action and pulled out only to slam back in harder. I groaned as my nails dug into his back a bit. In no time at all, he had me screaming out his name as he drove into my sweet spot over and over. Tears were cascading down my face as he continued to lavish my neck. This was really it. I would never be able to do this with Craig again. I could never tell him I loved him. I could never kiss him and see his smile. I could never wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. It was over.

I whimpered pathetically as I neared my breaking point. Every little touch seemed to be too much. Every nerve had been struck; every emotion had been pulled on. I couldn't take it.

"Ahh! Fuck Craig, I love you!" I screamed as I came hard onto both of our stomachs.

He grunted in reply as he also reached his peek.

Slowly, the blissful feeling of everything began to wash away leaving me to plummet back down to reality. I looked up to the person who had now collapsed on top of me in exhaustion. His bright blue eyes stared back at me with the saddest look I had ever seen from anyone. He pitied me.

Frowning deeply, I pushed him off of me and redressed. I refused to look over in his direction fearing that look would strike me again.

"Kenny-"

"Don't Stan. Just… Don't."

I could hear a sigh break out from behind me as Stan too began to put himself back together.

"Just… Don't tell Kyle, okay?"


	7. Matching Eyes

**Is this what I think it is? The seventh chapter of If Only I knew? Why, I do believe it is!**

**Okay, so in all honesty I was done with this story. DONE. I had no interest in continuing it, editing it, or even thinking about it. I had hit a major road block after the last chapter and just never tried to think of how to continue it. Then about a week ago, someone reviewed this story... So I re-read it cause I was really bored. Needless to say, it needed a LOT of work. So I cleaned it up a bit.**

**(I encourage all of you to re-read this story if you're an old time follower. I changed quite a bit of it so it would all flow better.)**

**Anyway, when I was done, I finally knew where I wanted to take this story... So here you guys go! The well awaited seventh chapter! **

**I hope you all don't hate me too much to finish this story out to the end... Which will be coming soon.**

**Please review!~**

Chapter 7 – Matching Eyes

Craig's POV~

I watched dully as food flew across the table from Clyde's half chewing-half talking mouth. Typical lunch. Today I had made sure to sit next to the mentally five year old known as my best friend so I wouldn't have to endure the full force of his half chewed bologna sandwich. Tweek and Token were forced to take the hot seats directly in the line of fire. My level of caring, as one could imagine, was so fucking high.

Another large glob of food rocketed from Clyde's mouth as he pointed out the portion sizes Tweek was eating.

"I-I'm just not hungry… GAH!"

"You're never hungry. I've never seen you eat more than half a bowl of cereal." Token observed.

"That can't be healthy dude." Clyde mumbled, stuffing his face.

"Oh, l-like you're the AH! picture of h-health..." The surprisingly sassy blonde rolled his eyes and popped a few more cheerios into his mouth.

Token and I tried to hold back our chuckles as Clyde's eyes narrowed in on the twitchy teen.

"Here. Just take my food Tweekers." I slid my tray of cafeteria slop across to him. He accept it with a slight look of gratitude flickering across his caramel eyes.

"So Clyde, what's the gossip mill churning up these days?" Token asked idly. He really didn't care, none of us did. But listening to Clyde blabber on and on about who's banging who and which kid ended up in trouble for some shit everyone does is better than him throwing a fit over Tweek's sas.

"A lot actually! Did you guys know Stan and Kyle broke up?"

Three pairs of eyes snapped up to stare at the brunette in mild shock. Marsh and Broflovski split? I thought those two were supposed to be the perfect butt buddies or something. Super best friends since preschool and all that sappy crap.

"What happened?"

"Stan cheated on Kyle with Kenny or something. Can't really say I'm surprised."

My heart stopped for a second at the mention of the fucktard that tried to screw up my life.

"How long ago?" I asked a little too quickly.

"Geez Craig. Calm your tits. Didn't even know you cared about their relationship. I think it was about a week ago."

My eyes drifted down to the table. McCormick and I broke up a week ago, I mean Mysterion and I or, fuck whatever. Why should I even give a shit who the man whore decided to screw? This just proved that the only reason he would go out of his way to dress up and visit me was to get an easy lay. He really didn't have any feelings for me. My heart lurched forward at the thought. Why was that bothering me? I had always known McCormick was a whore. So what if he broke up his friends? Not my problem.

I tuned back in to reality to find my group of friends all staring in the direction of the table Marsh and all of them usually occupied. Marsh and Fatass sat on one side of the table while Broflovski sat on the opposite side. Cartman seemed to be running his porky mouth while the newly broken up couple stared at their trays in silence. McCormick was nowhere to be found.

"A-Are they still Gah!... F-Friends?..." Tweek asked.

"Dunno. Stan said they were talking but not a whole lot. Kyle can't even stand to be around Kenny anymore." Clyde sighed and shoved a hand full of potato chips into his mouth. "Actualwy, Kenny hasn't even weally been talking to anyone lately."

"Swallow before you talk numbnuts." I grumbled as half the handful of chips he had started to consume came flying out of his mouth. He did as I had told him and gave me one of his infamous lopsided smile. This one holding a small amount of an apologetic overtone.

"Sorry. Anyway he won't even talk to me. Like, he just tells me he's not in the mood whenever I try and start a conversation with him…"

All of this talk about McCormick and his gay ass friends was really starting to get on my nerves. When I had kicked him out of my life that was it. I wanted nothing to do with him. That involved hearing the gossip that he had a role in. And for that matter not hearing the gossip his butt pirate friends were involved in either.

Clyde was still blathering away about Marsh's and Broflovski's new relationship status when I finally got up and left. I doubted he even noticed. Once you got that kid started on drama, he just didn't stop. I made my way out of the crowded cafeteria and back into the empty halls of the high school I was forced to attend. I still had a whole twenty minutes before class started and there was no way I was going back in there to watch Clyde spray it not say it. With a quiet sigh, I decided to just go outside where I could at least stare at the snow in peace and quiet. Hell, maybe I'd even review some trig shit. There was probably a test coming up so going over it definitely wasn't a bad idea.

I quickly made my way to the front doors of the building before pushing my way through the large double doors and out into the cool outdoors. The dry February air bit at my exposed face as I inhaled the crisp smell of pine trees and snow. That was probably the only thing I liked about this hick town. It always smelled clean and natural. Never polluted like the big cities did. Slowly, I walked down the front stairs, in no rush to begin studying. There was a nice tree out on the edge of the campus near the football field that I always liked to sit under. It was a big enough tree that it kept the snow from falling onto the grass. Once I got to said tree, I plopped down underneath it and opened up my bag. Before I could begin the mundane activity of studying though, I heard something shuffle on the other side of the tree. Leaning over enough to look around the thick trunk I noticed that I was not alone. McCormick sat against the opposite side of the tree, nose buried in a chemistry book. He had his parka pulled up tight around his face so only his vibrant blue eyes and slightly flushed nose showed. By the look of it he'd been sitting outside for a long time. Probably all of our lunch period and maybe even longer. His intense gaze was focused on the book he was studying, beautiful blue eyes moving back and forth as they scanned down the page. Wait, beautiful? Did I really just think that?

I squinted my eyes as I observed the blond. His eyes looked the same as they always did. Vivid pools of blue. Actually, they really were quite unique… and I guess beautiful in a way. Technically they were the same eyes that the person I thought I loved. And they were definitely beautiful on him. They were just those type of blue eyes that you could stare into and just get lost in. Hell, I was doing it right then.

Oh fuck.

I came crashing back down into reality when I finally noticed those blue eyes were no longer scanning over a text book, but were staring into my own. I swallowed the lump that had been forming in my throat and forced my lips into a scowl, trying to brush of my fucking mortifying moment. Why the hell had I just been staring at McCormick?

The blonde's eyebrow was arched in a questioning look as he tugged his hood down, releasing a wild main of uncombed golden hair. His lips were slightly chapped and he spoke.

"What?" He asked in voice I wasn't used to hearing come out of him. I had only ever seen two sides of McCormick in my life: sad and horny. This didn't classify as either. This was on the border of annoyed and pissed off.

"Just trying to figure out how you can stand yourself." I snarled back.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You destroyed your best friend's relationship."

The poor boy's eyebrows shot up into his hair line and his jaw hung slightly open. The look didn't stay on his face long before it faded to regret and devastation and then back to annoyed.

"Don't really think you should be lecturing me on how to be a good person Tucker." He grumbled, turning back to his chemistry book. For some reason that really pissed me the fuck off.

I rolled my eyes and gave a sarcastic snort before turning back around.

"Guess it just proves all it ever was about for you was an easy lay…"

I could hear loud shuffling coming from the other side of the tree as, I assumed, the blond packed his backpack quickly. Before I could really tell what the slut was doing, he appeared in front of me, gripping the shoulder strap of his bag tightly and slinging it over his shoulder. His face was contorted in anger and to my amazement, tears seemed to be pooling in his eyes. His blue, beautiful eyes.

"You have no fucking idea what it was to me and you'll never know so shut the fuck up and leave me alone." He growled harshly.

I could feel my eyebrows knitting together. Of course I knew what it was to him. Our "relationship", if one could even classify it as such, was nothing but a regular fuck for him. Something he could always fall back on if whatever white trash bimbo refused him for a night. I was nothing to him and as of the second I found out the truth, he was nothing to me. Just another fuck up in my shitty life.

"Then why did you sleep with Marsh? If you were really so hung up on me, why did you go out and screw someone else the first opportunity you got, hm?"

"Because he fucking looked like you!"

…What?

I stared up at the seething blond. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, running a hand through his messy locks. I could tell he was shaking a bit. Whether it was from anger or the cold I hadn't the slightest idea.

"We were drunk and he was comforting me… Things got out of hand and I thought he was you. I just wanted to be with you again... Feel like I meant something to you again…"

He turned before I could read his facial expression.

"Forget it. Class is starting soon." He mumbled before quickly walking away from the tree and myself.

I watched him as he made his way up the front stairs of the school. My lungs felt frozen a long with my body. My brain couldn't even process the simple functions it needed to let me survive. My heart was beating at warp speed as I stared at the door the blond had disappeared behind. Finally, I managed to regain natural functions and stand up. The bell echoed over the campus as I finally reentered the shitty building, my mind a billion miles away from my body.


	8. You're Wasted

**Oh wow. Chapter Ocho. I bet at least half of you didn't think this would ever show up... And I'm so sorry about that. I swear I'll get the next one out before six months is up. I feel bad cause I really hate it when the stories I follow don't update for a long time and I know that's what I'm doing to all of you... So I repeat, I'm very sorry. This chapter's pretty long if that makes up for it... **

**I'm just gonna shut up now.**

** Review if you want! Honestly your reviews and favorites are the only things that keep me working on this. :)**

Chapter 8- You're Wasted

Kenny's POV-

"Let's throw a party."

I sat up quickly, loving the feeling of the world spinning around me as I did so.

"What?" I mumbled, still in a slight daze. I tried hard to focus on something but failed miserably. Finally I blinked everything into focus. Clyde sat on my dirty bed with his back pressed up against the wall. His normally well groomed hair was sticking out in every direction and the same glazed over look occupied his somewhat chubby face that no doubt covered mine.

"You heard me. Haven't had a party since fuck knows when." A devilish smirk played across his lips as his droopy eyes focused on me. He fumbled with my old lighter as he slowly pressed his lips back against the bong he was clutching. "And Bebe always lets me get some at good parties," he murmured before taking a hit.

I toyed at the idea a little as I watched the brunet blow perfect smoke rings up toward the ceiling of my room. It had been a long time since anyone through a good party. And I could definitely go for a good party right about now. The last one anyone from school had that I went to… Well I actually don't remember it. In fact that entire night was a blur. But I guess that's how I knew it was a good party.

"Well it can't be at my piece of shit house."

"I know, I know. My dad's going out of town next weekend though. You bring the beer and I'll provide the place?"

"Who would you invite?"

"We. We invite," he corrected.

I smirked. "Alright, who would 'we' invite?"

"Everyone! Duh!" The brunet through one arm up in the air and waved it around dramatically to punctuate his point. "Lots of people, lots of booze, lots of drugs, lots of chicks equals lots of fun!" He fell sideways in an exasperated huff onto my pillow. "Ew… How often do you wash this thing? It smells disgusting…" A small chuckle escaped my chapped lips. Clyde was always so dramatic and fun to hang out with. There was never a dull moment with him. He turned his head to look at me sitting on my stained, faded carpet.

"Sure man. Just tell other people to bring shit too. I'm not providing for a hundred plus again."

.O.O.O.

I pushed my way past a group of giggling freshman chicks, all looking way too smashed for only being at the party for an hour. Loud electronic music coursed through the house along with a light undertone of chatter and laughing. The house was packed. Way more packed than I thought it would be for only a week of planning prior to the event. Clyde had definitely meant it when he said everyone. The outgoing brunet had told everyone at school to pass the word around. There were people I had never seen before.

"Kenny!" I flinched at the sickeningly sweet voice. A thin arm snaked its way around waist, keeping me from making an escape to the kitchen where Clyde was bound to be. A pair of soft lips pressed against the shell of my ear as my assaulter mumbled out. "Why don't you take the orange coat thing off more? You look so sexy without it."

Bebe was by far more annoying drunk than sober. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't like the girl. She could be a decent person when she tried and I use to actually enjoy spending time with her. (Definitely didn't hurt that she knew how to use her mouth like a porn star.) But after the whole thing with Craig a month ago, I just didn't find pleasure in one night stands and random fuck buddies. And that was really all Bebe was good for to me.

I turned in her loose grasp and forced a smile. Her curly hair was tied up in a messy bun and her glittery eye shadow accented her blue eyes well. From what I could see she did a good job of pushing her boobs up so they were threatening to pop out of her tight pink top and no doubt some short skirt to add to the ensemble.

"If I did I don't think people would be able to keep their hands off me. You don't seem to be able too."

Her laugh was high pitched and obviously fake.

"I'm serious. That shirt makes you look really hot. You come here with anyone?"

"No. But right now I'm a little pre-occupied. Have you seen Clyde? Cause I'm sure he's looking for you."

The laugh that followed that remark sounded slightly more realistic.

"He's in the kitchen. But when you're free, come find me. It's been way too long hun." The blonde gave me a suggestive wink before sliding her arm back and walking away into the crowd. I smirked a little before returning to pushing my way to the kitchen.

The kitchen was just as crowded as the living room. The counters were covered in everything from cheap beers to bags of substances I didn't even know the names of... Actually that's a lie. People filled the room, drinking and laughing. Over the slightly quieter music and babbling I managed to make out a loud scream. Quickly, I made my way to the source, knowing perfectly well who it came from.

"Dear God! I didn't know it was possible for you to become a bigger asshole! Here, take this and don't talk to me until you've loosened up a bit! I can't take any more of this Craig!"

I froze not only from the sound of… his name but also from what I saw. Craig stood in front of a completely frazzled Clyde, looking as stoic as ever. His usual blue hat was nowhere to be found for once and damn, did he look amazing. His jeans hugged him legs perfectly as did the band T he was sporting. From the look of it, he had actually tried to put some effort into making his hair look different and slightly messy because it wasn't its usual tidy, no effort or products used, self. It was combed up nicely so his bangs stuck up in the front a bit instead of hanging in his face like they normally did. He looked, in all senses of the word, perfect. But then again he always did.

And at that moment I felt my heart break a little more. A month to try and get over the dark haired asshole was definitely not enough time. I had gone out of my way to avoid him and not think about him but… It just wasn't working. I was still in love with Craig Tucker and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Clyde had shoved a red cup he must have picked up from the table they were standing next to into Craig's hand. The noirette rolled his eyes before moving his gaze to the ground and shoved past his best friend and to my utter horror, in my direction. He froze just like I had once he noticed I was standing in his way and just stared at me for a good minute or two. Those gorgeous grey eyes looking over me with an emotion I couldn't read. It made my heart stop to have him looking at me again. I completely forgot where I was for a few moments and just stood there, petrified under his gaze. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something before closing it quickly and pushing past me as well. As the shook of what just happened fell away, I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. Clyde came stomping up to me, muttering under his breath.

"That fucking jerk. I finally convinced him to do something other than mope around his house and he shows up just to tell me he doesn't want to be here and he's leaving. God, he needs to get whatever's been shoved up his ass out before I ram my foot up there with it."

"Relax dude…" I tried to sooth him calmly.

"No! Alright just no! Why does everyone fucking come to me with their drama shit? Kyle is being such a pussy I can't even…"

"Wait, what?" I cut him off. Ever since the little incident between me and Stan, Kyle had refused to talk to me. Not that I really blamed him. For Stan and Kyle's sake, I had been trying to stay away from Stan too, hoping to God Kyle would see that I wasn't trying to steel him or something stupid like that.

"Oh God. So like, Stan showed up here with Wendy cause apparently she asked him and Kyle had a freak out and ripped him a new one for it. Then he came to me and started bitching my ear off so I was like, Hey! Go get your man back! And then he just started yelling at me for not listening..."

I inwardly groaned at Stan's stupidity. He had been trying so hard to get Kyle back and while, knowing Stan, he thought coming to a party with his ex as a friend wouldn't stir things up again, it certainly did. I couldn't keep watching the two of them like this. They had been friends since practically ever. It just wasn't right when they were fighting. And it didn't help that right now, during all my problems, I didn't even have my best friends there for me either. I had to fix this. Right fucking now before it got worse.

"Where are they?"

"Stan's over there, drinking his sorrows away," he pointed somewhere behind me before adding, "hell if I know where Kyle went."

I turned and made my way in the direction he had pointed. This was quickly becoming a mess. I had seriously only gotten in two shots before all this crap just had to hit the fan.

Just as I was told, I found Stan leaning against a counter, staring into his cup with sad eyes. I could tell, just from the look of him that he was completely hammered. His long sleeved t-shirt seemed to be twisted around him and his slopey eyelids hid the blue irises I knew Kyle loved so damn much. I quickly walked up to him and grabbed his cup from him. He jumped a bit in surprise and reached after it.

"Hey! That wa-as mine!" He slurred out desperately.

"Come on Stan." I mumbled as I downed his drink bitterly and grabbed his sleeve. He stumbled after me, shouting protests as we left the kitchen.

"Just leave me t-to die," he whined as we made our way through the crowd in the living room. If I knew Kyle, he was sitting somewhere sulking. "I ruined my life and hurt Kyle. Ag-g-gain!"

I rolled my eyes as we approached one of the couches. Sure enough, there sat Kyle, glaring at his lap in silence. He was wrapped up in a green sweatshirt with the hood up, hiding some of his unruly mess of red curls. Before he even noticed we were standing in front of him, I managed to grab the sleeve of his sweat shirt as well, and pull him onto his feet.

"What the fuck! Kenny what the hell?" He yelled as he tugged against my hold.

"Shut up and come with me. Both of you. I can't take you two anymore."

Quickly, I managed to drag the duo through the crowd and up the stairs, Kyle fighting me and yelling death threats the whole time. Stan simply followed quietly, head hung in shame. After finding a free bedroom, I shoved the two in and closed the door behind the three of us.

"What the fuck is this about!?" Kyle screamed at me, shooting daggers through his eyes.

"You two! You guys need to make up for fuck's sake!"

"When hell freezes over that'll happen! He fucking cheated. With you!"

I sighed and leaned back against the frame of the door.

"Kyle, look…"

"No. Don't tell me what to fucking do. It's bad enough that he cheated on me but it was with you. One of my best friends. I trusted both of you and you stabbed me in the back!"

Stan shuffled over to the bed and sat down glumly. He obviously wasn't going to help me here.

"You have every right to be pissed at us alright? What we did was horrible to you and unfair… I should have controlled myself and not thrown myself at him but I did and I can't take it back. I was hurt and sad and lonely and I took advantage of Stan's nice guyness. I'm sorry and I completely understand if you never forgive me but please, forgive him. I was the one who started it and I practically begged for it."

"Don't try and take all the blame…" Stan finally mumbled. "I said I would do it."

Kyle just stood there between us, shaking with anger and hurt. I could see tears pooling in his emerald eyes.

"I can't forgive you. Either of you…" Kyle muttered.

Stan slowly stood back up and walked back over to the shaking redhead. I watched as he gently put a hand on Kyle's shoulder before the other pulled away quickly and growled out. "Don't touch me." Stan's face fell even more from the immediate response. He slowly pulled his hand back against his chest and shifted his gaze to the ground.

"Kyle… I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. And I'm sorry it ended like this. I won't bother you anymore… "

The dark haired male turned away slowly, eyes full of unshed tears as he headed for the door. He was stopped in his tracks by a pair of hands shooting out and grapping at the back of his T-shirt. "Wait…" Kyle's quiet voice echoed through the room.

"W-What?..." Stan mumbled, turning back around.

"I… I accept your apology… But I swear to god Stan, if you ever cheat on me again I will cut off your dick and shove it up your own ass. Got it?"

Stan's face lit up like nothing I'd ever seen before. He practically flung himself back toward his boyfriend, arms wrapping tightly around the redhead.

"Yes! Yes it'll never happen again! Kyle, I'm so sorry…" He cut himself off as he pressed his lips lovingly against Kyle's. The slightly surprised ginger came to life with the gesture as he kissed back heatedly, fingers tangling themselves in his best friend's hair.

Needless to say, I took that as a sign to leave ASAP. Quickly, I slipped through the door, trying to close it as quietly as I could behind me. Thank fucking God I had fixed that. Tensions between Kyle and me were probably still tight but all that really mattered was those two were back together. I pressed the back of my head against the door as I exhaled loudly. I had felt so bad about what Stan and I had done ever since it happened. I closed my eyes as I ran a hand through my blonde hair, messy as always. Why couldn't I just stop fucking up everyone's lives? Even when I fixed them, I was still the one who ruined them in the first place…

All of a sudden, a large object was falling into me, pushing me to the ground. The object let out a loud "Uhf!" As it felt on top of me.

"What the fuck man!" I yelled as I opened my eyes and pushed the body of the person off of me. I sat up quickly and groaned as my head started to pound from the sudden impact. Angrily, I turned to face my attacker, freezing immediately. Craig Tucker was staring up at me from the floor. Oddly, his usual asshole façade was no longer… visible. His pale cheeks had a reddish tint to them and his earlier perfect hair was sticking up in every direction. Like it did after sex. Wait no, don't think about that. I'm still trying to get over him here. His mouth was hanging open slightly, completing the "duh uh what?" expression on his usually smug face.

"Oh fuck! I'm s-sorry…" Craig slurred out dumbly.

"Are you drunk?" I guess the look on my face must have been pretty comical cause he burst into laughter. But hey, who could blame me? I had never seen this side of Craig. In fact, I had rarely even seen him laugh. Especially in public.

"Mhm…" He smirked at me with his eyes half closed. It was weirdly attractive… I had to stop thinking that way. Craig was my ex. And he HATED me. The only reason he was even tolerating me was because he was drunk. He probably didn't even realize who I really was. It hurt to think that but it was the truth and I needed to just accept it. I sighed as I began to stand up only to be pulled back down to the floor.

"Wait! I n-need to talk to you…" I raised an eyebrow at that. He tried to sit up quickly to face me but was obviously met with a wave of nausea. His vision seemed to swim as he swayed back and forth. I reached out to grab his shoulders in an attempt to steady him as his face started to turn a sickly shade of green.

"Woah there… Are you sure you're okay?" He nodded slowly, still swaying a little.

"I-I just need… N-Need to tell y-you…" His voice got softer and softer with each word until I couldn't even hear him. My mind was spinning as I tried to think of what the hell to do.

"Uhm want me to take you somewhere to lay down?"

He nodded slowly as his eyes slipped shut. Carefully, I stood up, helping him to his feet while he was still awake to walk. I threw his arm around my shoulders and grabbed his waist as we headed to closest unoccupied bedroom.

"N-Not here." He mumbled sleepily.

I groaned in frustration. "Then where?"

He looked up at me with that smug look I was so use to.

"I l-like it when you… when you groan…" I felt my face heat up as I looked away. He didn't know what he was saying. "I-I just don't wanna be huh… here…"

"Uh I have my dad's truck? I can drive you home or something…" He nodded heavily before practically collapsing against me. Frowning, I dragged the barely conscious noirette out of the party which was now starting to wind down. Maneuvering through the crowd was much easier than it was earlier thank fucking God. Craig was definitely not making it easy on me either. After what felt like a decade of walking, only stopping once to let him throw up all over Clyde's front yard, I finally got Craig into the passenger seat of my dad's rusty old truck. With a loud sigh, I collapsed tiredly into the driver's seat and turned the car on. The ride to his house was very quiet and incredibly uncomfortable for me. Here I was, escorting the one person I really didn't want to be anywhere near, home while he was inebriated. Just the thought of what he's do to me when he sobered up made me grimace. He'd probably kill me. I meant literally, beat-me-til-I-die kill me. And when I came back to life the next day he'd probably do it again.

When we reached his house I carefully helped him out of the truck and up the three steps to his front door. He seemed to be doing slightly better since walking wasn't such a struggle for him at that point. My plan was simple, drop him off and run before he realized what was happening since he was obviously sobering up at least a little. That, of course didn't happen. As I turned to leave he grabbed my arm again. When I turned back to look at him my heart stopped. He looked so sad and… full of regret maybe? No… Not Craig.

"Wait…" I raised an eyebrow as he tugged my arm closer to him. "Stay?"

"Do you have any idea who you're talking to?" I asked, very skeptical. He looked at me with a confused expression before he seemed to actually take the question seriously. His eyes ran up and down my person at least four times before he nodded slowly. "And you still want me to stay?"

At that his gaze shifted back to mine, his amazing grey eyes taking my breathe away completely involuntarily. In all honesty, no matter how much I had tried, a month of avoiding him had not really helped the way I felt toward him. And I know how gay that sounds but it was true.

A stupid grin spread across my face as he rolled his eyes and mumbled lowly, "Just shut up and get in the house McCormick, before I change my mind," only slurring a few of his words. I did exactly as he told me, opening the door quickly and pulling him and myself into the dark warmth of his place.

I really hoped that wasn't just the alcohol talking.


End file.
